Boys Will Be Boys

In my realization about boys, (and men), is that they were born with selective hearing. I can literally be standing in front of my nine year old Joe Mack and tell him,” Brush your teeth,” and even repeat it two more times and he will still “forget” to do it or say he did not hear me tell him to do it. I can tell my husband to take out the trash repeatedly before we go to bed and when I walk by the kitchen after my husband is well on his way to sleep-the trash bag is STILL sitting there untouched!

Boys are loud, hyper, love to get dirty, destructive, stubborn, selective listeners! I always know when my oldest did not have outside recess at school because when he comes home-he is bouncing off the wall, jumping off of couches, and trying to slide down the banister! My youngest boy (the two year old) will pull a chair up to the kitchen counter and climb up to “attempt” to jump off and be like “Superman” as he calls it, if he does not go outside and exert some energy. Some days both my boys will completely set me over the edge and make me want to fix an extra large vodka martini! I grew up as an only child, but my husband keeps reassuring me that this “selective hearing” and “destructive” behavior is normal from boys:

- Boys like to “pretend” they don’t know how to do lots of things that involve chores. I can show Joe Mack everything he is supposed to do to clean his room, but he will look at me like I am speaking Spanish or tell me later,” Mom you didn’t tell me to take my dirty clothes downstairs, you just said to pick them up. So I put them under my bed because I did not know where to take them.”

- Boys love to make sound effects. Battle ships, pretend guns, fart sounds, explosions, or all of the above made at once. No matter how much you tell him to stop-they will selectively NOT hear you. In their mind, they are in the middle of a very important life-saving mission and trying to save the world from an alien.

-For some reason, boys always think they are on a super secret CIA mission everywhere they go, even grocery stores. I can be strolling the aisles of H-E-B and my nine year old will be acting like he is Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. He will slide along the shelves on his tip toes and start making a machine gun out of his hands along with the noises. Apparently there are rogue spies hiding at the grocery store.

- Boys are going to do what boys WANT to do. It really does not matter how many times you say NO. Joe Mack got in trouble on the school bus for being rowdy and was forced to sit up front with Sydney and all the other 6 year olds. He decided to crawl underneath the seat once the bus had taken off to go sit with his friends. Sydney got mad that he did not want to sit with her and told on him. The bus driver warned him not to do it again, and guess what-he did it again and got sent to the principal’s office. Boys live by the motto,” It’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission.” My husband also lives by this motto….I suppose the apple does not fall far from the tree.

-Boys like to hide things and think that moms won’t notice. For example: Anytime Joe Mack gets a bad test grade, he will hide it in his backpack underneath all of his other crap thinking I won’t find it. He has also thrown bad test papers out the bus window on the way home to hide the evidence. However, he is astonished that I always seem to know about the grades without actually seeing the papers. I tell him it’s because I have special powers with eyes in the back of my head and can see EVERYTHING! It also helps that his teachers email all the grades to me….but he doesn’t know that yet….

Boys can be sneaky and destructive-and literally drive mothers CRAZY!!! However, there is nothing like a mother’s love for her son. I know my boys are going to make silly mistakes through life-but it is my job to help set them straight and raise them to be honest, strong, loving men. In the mean time-I will help Joe Mack and Aiden lookout for spies at the grocery store and keep them believing (for as long as I can) that I’m a superhero with eyes in the back of my head…

Everything Else is just Extra

My mom was the ULTIMATE DIY (Do It Yourself) CRAFTY made EVERYTHING from SCRATCH PTO Chairperson, Drill team MOM! She made my own baby food (take into account that this was the 80’s, before the fancy baby food makers came about), bread from scratch, homemade pie with REAL fruit filling, made my own bows along with puff paint shirts and matching socks, she was AWESOME at French braiding and fishtailing my hair. She did DIY house projects from creating curtain holders to making homemade picture frames. She was always my room mom in elementary school, a part of the PTO board, and ran the drill team booster club. You name it-this lady did it. Now with all that being said, you would think, (considering that I am her daughter) I would obviously be that way too….WRONG! For some odd reason, I did not inherit that DO-IT-ALL, crafty gene. I have tried to make bows before with a step by step You Tube video playing while I was in action. It came out to be a tangled clump of hot glue and ribbon that I refused to let my daughter wear. I said, “Eff it-I’m just going to pay the $10 and buy her a bow!”  There are some days; well many, that I feel I cannot get a grasp on anything!  I am constantly on the go between shuffling my older two to school, dance class, baseball practice, chasing a toddler, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry, homework, AND trying to squeeze in time to do my OWN college homework. WHEW…. There is no way I could have room for anything extra!

I see some of my mommy friends who do DIY craft projects around their home-( create a castle out of popsicle sticks), make their own baby food, design fancy bows for their daughters, be the Team Mom for their son’s baseball team, volunteer numerous hours at the school or chairperson of a PTO event, have organized grocery lists on their I-Phones and make these gourmet dinners, and some still manage time to go to the gym!

I will think to myself, “How in the world does she have time for that?” or “What am I doing wrong? Why don’t I have time for that stuff?” Now for all you moms that are like that-I have the upmost respect for you, my mother was one. It’s great that you guys can create DIY home projects from Pininterest or making organic baby food and snacks for your kids. Crap-I am lucky to make chicken nuggets and Mac-n-Cheese for dinner throughout the week. And I definitely DO NOT have the patience for some of this crafty stuff, believe me, I have tried more than once and it will sit there half finished for months! After I had my third baby, a lot of my girlfriends were making homemade baby food. I thought,” Okay, I am going to try this. How hard can it be?” Haha…well let’s just say there were mashed sweet potatoes and carrots all over my kitchen because the blender exploded! After all of that, Aiden took a bite and shook his little 7 month old head “No” at me and spit it out! I told my husband,” Forget this crap. I’m just going to go buy it! We did it with our other two and they turned out fine!”

As I approached my 30’s and became a mommy of three, I realized that I will never be one of those crafty moms that can make an old rusty chair into a new eclectic piece for my house, find time to be on the PTO board at my kids’ school, make hair bows or the good ole “puff paint shirts with matching socks”.  I used to be my own worst critic and think I was a horrible mother because I did not do any, or even all of those things.  I asked my mom one day,” How in the world did you manage ALL of that? Or have the patience for it? Lord knows I don’t!” She replied, “I just loved doing it. It made you happy, and it made me happy. But being a mother is one of life’s greatest blessings, SO WHAT if you can’t make a hair bow or be President of the PTO! The important thing is to be a good mom, everything else is just extra.” So for all you mommies out there like me- IT IS OKAY! Motherhood is hard work, the important thing is just to focus on being a good one, no matter how crafty (or not) you may be. My only hope is to be as good of a mom as my mother is to me.  

Roll with the Punches

 I recall when I had my first baby-I was completely neurotic and “by the book.” My borderline OCD personality was in full effect and just about drove my husband mad. I greeted everyone with hand soap and sanitizer as soon as they entered my house. If they wanted to hold my new adorable son Joe Mack, I insisted they change their shirt or put one of my “clean” blankets over their shoulder. I would also wash his crib sheets every other day, disinfect his toys at the end of every day, and if he dropped his binky-I would toss it and go buy a new one. Three years later I had my daughter Sydney. I became slightly less neurotic and just made people wash their hands if they wanted to hold her, instead of attacking them with the sanitizer as soon as they walked in the door. I also did not make them change their shirt and if Sydney dropped her binky I would clean it in boiling water for 5 min-exactly, instead of throwing it away.  I was so obsessed with germs and mommy self-help books that I was also driving myself insane along with my husband, ( poor guy.) Four years after having Sydney and seven years after having Joe Mack-along came Aiden and we grew to a family of 5. All of those compulsive behaviors seemed so insignificant after my 3^rd child. I was lucky to remember to brush my hair or take a shower, let alone worry if somebody had washed their hands before picking Aiden up. I was just thankful for the help and to catch a nap -at that point I honestly didn’t give a shit if my house was “clean.” I felt like I was in a constant state of delirium.

Learning to balance motherhood and three children has definitely made me lighten up.  Don’t let that fool you though-I am and always will be the Type” A” personality, however,  in order to maintain what little sanity I have, here are my tips on “letting crap go” where kids are concerned:

- It is not a great idea to greet your guests (that have come to visit your new bundle of joy) with hand sanitizer and Lysol at the front door. If you would like some sleep and a break, it might be better to just ask them nicely to wash their hands instead. We are not in Contagion and nobody is going to die.

- Just go ahead and accept the fact that your house-will NEVER be clean. There will be toys everywhere, piles of laundry, and food on the floor. Stop acting like the people from Southern Living are coming to photograph your house.

-Kids are going to get sick, regardless of what you do. When one starts throwing up, be prepared that the others will soon follow.  Grab a mask and gloves, wash all the sheets, spray Lysol on EVERYTHING else, and pray you make it out alive.

-  Don’t FREAK if your precious baby puts his binky back in his mouth after dropping it outside.  Always have a spare binky that looks JUST LIKE the other one-that way you can do a 1-2-3 swap, and your baby will never know the difference. Now go boil the dirty one in hot water and relax-your baby is not going to get the Ebola virus from putting a dirty binky in his mouth.

- Siblings are going to fight; it’s a part of life. The quicker you learn to accept this, the easier your life will become (I am still working on this one). There will be black eyes, pulled hair, scratches, and even broken TV’s….just make sure you have some good alcohol in the house to treat yourself,  for really bad days.

- It will become next to impossible to make it on time to anything with a house full of kids. Trying to hunt down clean clothes, fixing miss-matched socks, packing a diaper bag, and dealing with screaming kids that don’t want to go anywhere-makes you reconsider the importance of those errands. If you have to leave, count on being late, take ½ of a Xanax-and breath. You have 3 children; most people will be surprised you even showed up!

- When you get 3 kids together in a house-they are going to be destructive. The idea that they will all sit and play quietly-will never happen unless they are sick. Send them all in the backyard, lock the door, go hide in the corner and treat yourself to some ice cream.

- You are not the world’s worst mother if you don’t feed your kids organic. I know it is important, but realistically kids do enjoy Capri Sun’s and Kraft Mac n Cheese. So, go ahead and let them enjoy it ONCE and a WHILE. Would you eat some of that organic crap? Then why do you think your kids would?

Motherhood is messy, chaotic, and sometimes you might feel like nothing goes your way. But as soon as you hear their laughter or receive those PBJ kisses, it makes all the craziness seem insignificant, or at least temporarily. As a mother you gotta learn to just “Roll with the Punches.” 

Making Time for Cookies

More often than not, intimacy time can be placed on the back burner with married couples, especially if they have children.  For most women, sex is not on their list of daily priorities: work schedules, laundry, entertaining toddlers, attempting to keep a house clean, kids’ homework and activity schedules, grocery shopping and cooking, paying bills-and the list goes on,  I am TIRED! That is the problem with women, we are always TIRED! Mentally and physically, our bodies never take a break. At the end of the day when I crawl into bed with my handsome Marine, the absolute LAST thing I want to do is put on some uncomfortable lingerie that goes up the crack of my ass and be “fondled.” I want to put on my baggy PJ’s, sit there with my favorite book, and enjoy the few hours of peace and quiet!

However-telling your husband that you are tired all the time is not the greatest excuse. My husband is pretty understanding to a point-but he is STILL a MAN after all. He never makes me feel guilty about my “less than amorous” attitude, but he will give me that “look” and I know it has been too long. My husband created a code word regarding the bedroom issue so that the kids never knew what he was talking about, “Cookies.” One night he walked into the kitchen as our children were sitting at the table eating and I was cleaning up and said,” Hey there beautiful…feel like having some “cookies” tonight?” I already knew what he meant by the look on his face, but all three of our kids started shouting,” Mom I want some cookies too!” And I stood there blushing, trying not to burst into laughter. “Cookies” has now become a running joke in the house. I will tell my husband, “Hey if you clean the kitchen so I can go take a quiet bath-maybe you can have some “cookies” later.

Something that I have come to realize over the years as a woman is that I do hold the key to intimacy in my marriage. For most women to feel “amorous”(or at least Type A girls like me)-we need to have the lighting just right, temperature of the room perfect, house cleaned, laundry done, candles lit, be in a decent mood, and not feel like we have been awake for 36 hours straight. However, it comes so easy with men and they don’t care about what their wife is wearing, if she looks bloated, lighting in the room, if the house is clean, etc. Elizabeth Gilbert described it perfectly in Eat Pray Love concerning men and sex,” He doesn’t care what you look like. He is in a room with a naked girl-he’s won the lottery.” 

  I tend to carry a load of imperfections and daily stresses upon my shoulders. I am never able to finish one task because as soon as I start something, my kids are fighting and one of them has pulled the other's hair and screaming (usually Aiden has pulled Sydney's hair while Joe Mack just sits back laughing). By the time my husband has gotten home in the evening, all I want to do is go lock myself in the bedroom and be left alone. However it is important for me to dig deep and attempt to disassociate myself from all the stress. My man needs his wife and whether I want to admit or not-I need my husband just as much. Learning to stop and make time for the “cookies” definitely makes a happier couple.

Life is not about the journey, it's the Arrival that Counts

Life has a funny way of dictating to you sometimes, don't you think? Just when you think you have a grasp on the "great unknown" BAM...life comes down and slaps you square in the face. As most of you know by now, this will happen multiple times. Learning to get up, put your BIG GIRL PANTIES on, and keep going is a lot more challenging than you may realize.
 When I was 18, I had my life all mapped out. I was going to attend Kilgore Junior College and be a part of the Rangerettes, (if you do not know what that is-use GOOGLE) then transfer to UT in Austin and major in broadcast journalism. The rest of my life dreams went something like this: "After UT I will move to NYC and work for the TODAY Show and finish up my masters at NYU. One day I hope to be the next Katie Couric". My boyfriend at the time was the epitome of a Class A Jerk and I was ready to ditch him to the curb upon high school graduation, leave town, and never look back. The day after my high school graduation, my mother informed me that she was divorcing my dad. They had been married for 21 years, but all I said to her was," Well it is about time mom!" My father was an Alcoholic and frankly, my mother and me were just DONE with all of it. I did not realize until later how deeply the words "divorce" affected me. Within a month, my mother was packing up our house and moving into an apartment. I just felt that I could not leave her, after everything she had been through with my dad. So I made my decision: I will go to a community college, then transfer to UT....
A year later we moved to the opposite side of Houston, my mom had a boyfriend, and I dropped out of college. My dad was no longer speaking to me because he thought I was taking my mom's side. He cut off all funds for college forcing me to drop out and I did not qualify for financial aid. My dreams of NYC and the TODAY Show were a distant glimmer. I was 19 and working an administrative job when I met the man of my dreams. He came into my life when I had almost given up all hope on anything good. He was a true gentlemen and showed me that love still existed. A year later he joined the Marines and we married-at the tender age of 20. I did eventually leave town, but not the way I was so certain of two years earlier...
Four months later I found out I was pregnant and my new Marine husband had just left for a 6 month deployment. Honestly, college was the furthest thing from my mind. I was 21 when I had my first child. While all my old high school friends were staying up all night partying at college-I was staying up all night tending to my newborn son. Fast forward nine years- I had two more children, endured numerous deployments, and put college on the back burner.
Finally in 2010, the Marines approved my husband for Recruiting Duty and we moved back to our home town. As I approached my 30th birthday I yearned for something more. I loved my husband and adored my kids, but I felt there was this gaping hole in my chest that no matter how hard I tried-I could not fill it. Forgive me if this sounds cliche, but I felt like like that old Reba song, "Is there life out there?" If you don't know it-here it is:

With quite a bit of coercing from my husband, I finally decided to enroll in college three months shy of my 30th birthday. Going back to college while taking care of three kids has been the most difficult thing I have endured in my life so far. Some of my college professors assign a tremendous amount of homework which I feel I have ZERO time to finish; not to mention that my oldest two have their own homework and a two year old running around corn holing everyone and throwing things. I try to stay up late at night to finish my homework but I fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. Some days I just want to scream and throw in the towel. Why am I doing this to myself?
I honestly don't have an answer to that question, but I am not giving up until I find out. No matter how long it takes me-I AM GOING TO FINISH. I read in Diane Keaton's biography, " Life is not about the journey, it's the arrival that counts." Nothing in life is ever going to be easy. In order to accomplish personal dreams and goals, whether you are 18, 31, or 72, you must be prepared to persevere. I truly believe that God and life know what is best for each person. It may not be the "little girl day dream" that you once envisioned-but believe it or not-LIFE could be EVEN BETTER if you allow it.

The Mack Attack

I have written a lot concerning my 6 year old daughter, and 2 year old son-but have not had a blog post about my 9 year old son, Joseph. We call him "Joe Mack," short for Joseph Mack Van Straten, and he is quite the flirt! Joe Mack is the IV, and my husband is the III, and Joe Mack's grandfather is the II. From the time that Joe Mack was born, he has always had a way with the ladies. I have been told it is a name thing since my husband was that way (until he was caught by me of course) and my father-in-law. The other nickname that circulates our family is "Mack Attack" for obvious reasons. My husband reminds me daily that it is not just a coincidence that Mack is their middle name...oh gag me with a spoon...
This kid has had a girlfriend every year thus far in school. When Joe Mack was younger, he used to talk to me about these girls and kind of giggle about the topic. Once he reached 7, Mom was no longer cool-unless I let him have one of his buddies over to play video games. The first day of school last year (3rd grade), he would not let me walk him to class. This year (4th grade), he would not let me even walk him into the building! I cried the whole way home... My husband reassured me this was normal behavior from boys and that he did the same things to his own mother at that age. It was still hard for me to digest, so I went to have lunch with him... and that was when I discovered-it was all about a GIRL! Geez, what a shocker...
As I am sitting there having lunch with Joe Mack, or ahem...Mack Attack, I catch him glancing at this girl and blushing. I lean over and whisper, "Joe Mack is that your girlfriend?" He looks at me, embarrassed and says," No mom-can we PLEASE not talk about this?!" So, I played it cool and dropped it. Later that night I cried again to my husband about how I felt my oldest son, whom I gave birth to at the tender age of 21, thought I was no longer "cool" enough to talk to about girls. When the hell did this happen????? As a protective mother to my oldest son, I want to so badly to dislike every girl that comes into his life. But this little girl in particular is gorgeous and just the sweetest thing. She just so happens to live in our neighborhood-and ride the same school bus as well. I always wondered why Joe Mack was so excited about riding the bus...
This year Joe Mack and this beautiful little girl were fortunate enough to be in the same class (oh that poor teacher.) I happen think she adores Joe Mack as well just by the way I have caught her glancing at him. She is shy and very ladylike about her feelings, which I just adore! Joe Mack has started fixing his hair, brushing his teeth without being told, and sneaking in his Dad's bathroom cabinet to spray cologne before school. I caught him the other morning before school spraying cologne and putting gel in his hair. As soon as I walked into MY bathroom and smelled my husband's cologne, I asked Joe Mack what he was doing to which he replied," Um nothing mom...I need to grab my library book." And he proceeded to walk away. I found out later that he told MY MOM that this girl really likes the cologne he has been using, it is also the same one my step dad uses. So, he will go and tell his NANA about this, but not me? He will tell his DAD about this girl, but not me? He will tell both his GRANDFATHERS, but not me????
His younger sister does not take to well to him taking an interest in girls either. Sydney told me that one morning as Joe Mack and her were walking into school, the girl he adores was walking beside him. Sydney told me she was just furious that he was talking to this girl and not her. So she proceeded to yell as loud as she could," Hey did you know that my brother wears unicorn panties?" Oh the joys of having a jealous little sister.....
I never thought the day would come when I was not cool enough for my son. I feel like the dorky mom in "Diary of a Wimpy Kid!" But you know, I suppose as long as my son is a true gentleman and has the ladies lining up-I must be doing something right. The generation of "Mack Attack" continues...

Sleep Deprivation-The Worst Form of Torture

Motherhood is such an amazing blessing. However there is one pitfall that in my opinion-is the worst form of torture, Sleep Deprivation. Sleep deprivation is literally defined as a condition of not having enough sleep. (All of you moms out there know what I am talking about.) I sometimes daydream about the days when I could stay out all night and sleep till noon the next day. Now I'm lucky if I stay up past 10 at night, and 7 am is considering sleeping in for me! I bet before you entered the world of parenthood, you never realized that those mornings of sleeping in and taking naps would be LONG gone!?
All three of my kids had colic, my 3rd baby had it the worst. I would talk to these other moms at the playground that would brag," Oh I have the best baby, he/she started sleeping through the night at 1 week old...blah...blah..." I would just give them a smile and say," Aw, that's nice..." all the while I am thinking some very ugly words. I am the mom with the kids that-NEVER SLEPT!!!! My husband and I used to sit back and ponder at the fact that our bundles of joy would never sleep. How is that even possible????
My husband was always a stickler about leaving our babies in their cribs and enforcing the "Ferber Method" (think Robert DeNiro in Meet the Fockers).  I, on the other hand, was so damn tired and would just give in and bring the baby in bed with us. Observe the picture below:

Somebody shared this on Facebook and I thought it was too funny not to share. Aiden is "The Stalker" position (last one 2nd row).
What I find so humorous about sleeping patterns, or the lack of, is that your body becomes so acclimated to it. My mom told me after I had my first child that once you become a mother," You NEVER really sleep through the night again!" Your body gets into a "waking every 2 hours" schedule and never resets itself. I also think as a mother, you worry about your child constantly through the night- "Is he breathing okay? Is she hungry? Does he need his diaper changed? etc." A mother's job never stops, and our minds never rest. As my kids have gotten older, my nighttime worries never go away and I still get up about every 2-3 hours and go upstairs to check on them.
The other night Aiden starting crying and threw up in his crib followed by diarrhea. This pattern continued all the next day and the next night. I cannot clean up throw up-that is where I draw the line. So my husband, being the good sport he is, cleaned up all the "yuckies" for me. Both of us were up for two days straight until my little guy was better and could sleep again. After 2 1/2 days of being sick,  Aiden finally slept again and my husband was out like a light. However, I could not sleep. You would think after two days of not sleeping that I would conk out, but no-I was up checking on Aiden to make sure he was okay.
Caffeine has become my best friend since becoming a mother. I drink 2 cups of coffee and Red Bulls during the day. Sleep deprivation is just a fact of life with motherhood. I say all the time," I wish I could just take a weekend, with no kids, and sleep all day." But you know what the funny thing is-I will not do it. All I think about is getting back to my kids because I miss them. No matter how much I sacrifice for those little buggers-they are my world! So I will continue to live off of little sleep and forgive me if I nod off from time to time...