Making Time for Cookies

More often than not, intimacy time can be placed on the back burner with married couples, especially if they have children.  For most women, sex is not on their list of daily priorities: work schedules, laundry, entertaining toddlers, attempting to keep a house clean, kids’ homework and activity schedules, grocery shopping and cooking, paying bills-and the list goes on,  I am TIRED! That is the problem with women, we are always TIRED! Mentally and physically, our bodies never take a break. At the end of the day when I crawl into bed with my handsome Marine, the absolute LAST thing I want to do is put on some uncomfortable lingerie that goes up the crack of my ass and be “fondled.” I want to put on my baggy PJ’s, sit there with my favorite book, and enjoy the few hours of peace and quiet!

However-telling your husband that you are tired all the time is not the greatest excuse. My husband is pretty understanding to a point-but he is STILL a MAN after all. He never makes me feel guilty about my “less than amorous” attitude, but he will give me that “look” and I know it has been too long. My husband created a code word regarding the bedroom issue so that the kids never knew what he was talking about, “Cookies.” One night he walked into the kitchen as our children were sitting at the table eating and I was cleaning up and said,” Hey there beautiful…feel like having some “cookies” tonight?” I already knew what he meant by the look on his face, but all three of our kids started shouting,” Mom I want some cookies too!” And I stood there blushing, trying not to burst into laughter. “Cookies” has now become a running joke in the house. I will tell my husband, “Hey if you clean the kitchen so I can go take a quiet bath-maybe you can have some “cookies” later.

Something that I have come to realize over the years as a woman is that I do hold the key to intimacy in my marriage. For most women to feel “amorous”(or at least Type A girls like me)-we need to have the lighting just right, temperature of the room perfect, house cleaned, laundry done, candles lit, be in a decent mood, and not feel like we have been awake for 36 hours straight. However, it comes so easy with men and they don’t care about what their wife is wearing, if she looks bloated, lighting in the room, if the house is clean, etc. Elizabeth Gilbert described it perfectly in Eat Pray Love concerning men and sex,” He doesn’t care what you look like. He is in a room with a naked girl-he’s won the lottery.” 

  I tend to carry a load of imperfections and daily stresses upon my shoulders. I am never able to finish one task because as soon as I start something, my kids are fighting and one of them has pulled the other's hair and screaming (usually Aiden has pulled Sydney's hair while Joe Mack just sits back laughing). By the time my husband has gotten home in the evening, all I want to do is go lock myself in the bedroom and be left alone. However it is important for me to dig deep and attempt to disassociate myself from all the stress. My man needs his wife and whether I want to admit or not-I need my husband just as much. Learning to stop and make time for the “cookies” definitely makes a happier couple.