Shake it Out

My life has been consumed with stress that last 8 months with three kids, college, and my husband's crazy work schedule. Due to all the stress-my body has been slowly trying to tell me that I needed to take a break. I've had weight loss, migraines, female troubles, getting sick all the time, insomnia, low energy, and no appetite. However, I kept ignoring the physical signs attributing them to just getting older. Last Thursday afternoon, March 8th, I was cleaning up my toddler's toys and when I stood up my chest caved in and I could not breath. I felt as if I was having a heart attack! My husband rushed home and asked me if I needed to go to the ER. I told him that it was probably just anxiety. I had some Xanax in the house so I took half of one. An hour later the symptoms had not really eased up, so I took another half. I finally was able to stop my panicking but the chest pains were still there. First thing Friday morning I called my doctor and got an appointment. I told her everything that was going on so she did an EKG and that came back fine. She assumed I pinched a nerve, gave me some prescriptions, and then wanted me to have an X-Ray on my way out. She said she would call me with the results if there was anything wrong. I went to CVS and 10 minutes after I was there she called me. She said," Your right lung has collapsed and I need you to go to the hospital ASAP." I froze-could not move. I was standing in the middle of CVS, right in front of the pharmacy. I cried and asked her," What does that mean? Am I going to die?" She replied," No, no-please don't think that way but I do need you to go immediately to the hospital." I hung up with my Dr. and just froze with tears streaming down my face. All the people at CVS were staring at me, not quite sure how to react. I called my husband who was at home with our toddler, then called my mom. I literally could not gain composure to put one foot in front of the other to drive home. I finally took a deep painful breath and prayed for God to guide me home safely. As soon as I got home, I broke down in my husband's arms-scared to death. I hugged my two year old extra tight and as soon as my mom arrived-off I went to the ER.
When I arrived they whisked me back, gave me drugs, and inserted a chest tube in my right lung. I was loopy from the drugs but I remember looking at my husband saying," I love you so much, and I AM NOT ready to go yet." He smiled at me and said," Baby I'm a bad ass Marine and I'm not gonna let anything happen to you!" I laughed a painful laugh, then started to drift off to sleep from all the drugs. They put me in a hospital room and kept me hooked up to the chest tube for a day, then took it out the next. After 3 days and several X-Rays-they said the hole in my lung was gone and had completely inflated back. They doctors said there was no explanation for what happened-no blep, no trauma, no disease-nothing. Just a random accident...
When I got home I hugged my babies like I had not seen them in years! They had come to see me at the hospital-but it was not the same as being home with them. My first night home, after my kids were asleep, I had a emotional break down in the kitchen and started sobbing. My husband came rushing in asking me," Are you okay? What's wrong?!" I said," I am just so thankful to the good lord above that I am here and okay! I love you and those kids more than life itself! I have got to eliminate the stress! Life is so beautiful..."
And it is-nothing is worth your health! It is amazing how stress can affect your body not only mentally-but physically as well. The doctor told me that for the first week I had to rest and not pick up my toddler (so hard). My husband took off  this week to help me recover, it's also Spring Break, so my older two are home as well. I am scared though, when he goes back to work, to be left alone. What if it happens again? I feel as if I have PTSD from what happened! However-I can't live life that way!  God helped me get through this ordeal and I know he watches over me and my family everyday. I just pray to regain my strength and "Shake it Out"- because I refuse to allow stress defeat me anymore.